Faqihul Ummah: Marital Problems

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Respected Mufti Saheb

Assalaamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuh

My wife and I are always in disagreement. Both of us have a flaring temper. I am becoming extremely frustrated with the daily disputes. Please advise me as to how we can enjoy peace and be united. 

Respected Brother

Assalaamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuh

I received your reply and was greatly disturbed by the news of the tension between you and your wife. This is a terrible plot of Shaytaan (to create problems between spouses so that it leads to divorce).

Every evening Shaytaan places a platform on the sea. All his agents who were engaged in misleading people come to him to report on the day’s activities. One of them would then say, for instance, that he made someone miss his Salaah. Shaytaan comments that this is not a great achievement. Another says that he prevented a student from going to study Deen. Shaytaan again gives the same reply. This continues until one agent reports that he sparked off a fight between husband and wife. He whispered an objection to the wife. He then incited the husband to respond. Again he spurred the wife to counter the husband’s argument. This continued until the couple finally broke up and divorced. The wife then returned to her parents.

Upon hearing this report Iblees embraces his agent and remarks that this is indeed a great achievement (since this will lead to numerous other problems and sins). Both the husband and wife will now speak to their respective families and friends about each others weaknesses and faults. If what is said is true, he or she will still incur the sin of gheebat (backbiting). If it is untrue, they will be committing slander. Both these actions have been prohibited in the Qur’an. These severe sins will be committed collectively, hence making them even more sinful and severe. In short, all this resulted from quarrels between husband and wife.

Therefore it is best that you do not regard your wife as obligated to fulfil any duty. Rather, think that you are personally responsible for all your work. If she does any of your work, it is her favour for which you should be grateful. Your wife has left her parents, brothers and sisters and has come to live with you. It is extremely important that you be kind to her. If you do not maintain an authoritative and commanding attitude over her, but instead show kindness to her, honour and appreciation for you will develop in her heart.

Also recite the following verse of Surah Rum (aayah 21) at least a hundred times daily (recite the Arabic): “And from among His signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between you.”

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