Q&A: Barakah in Marriage

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Q: My daughter is getting married in a few month’s time. My wife and I are at loggerheads over the expenses. The cost for the decor, flower arrangements, etc. is close to almost a million. She insists that our daughter deserves to have a special wedding. Please advise what I can do to make her understand that this is gross extravagance and wastage.

A: The masnoon du‘aa (du‘aa established from the sunnah) for the newlywed couple is: “May Allah Ta‘ala grant you barakah, may He shower His blessings (barakah) upon you and unite both of you upon good”.

This du‘aa is a plea for barakah for the couple embarking on their new journey in life. The road of marriage is long (it is meant to continue till the last breath), the challenges are many and the twists and turns are plenty. Hence, they need every bit of barakah that they can acquire. Therefore this special du‘aa is made for them on the special occasion of their nikaah.

While du‘aa is extremely important and essential, the practical steps to acquire the barakah must also be adopted. For good health, one resorts to du‘aa but also eats nourishing food. Only a foolish person will eat something poisonous and hope for good health. Likewise, for the greatest barakah in marriage, together with du‘aa, the prescription of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) is that the least amount of expense must be incurred in that marriage. It is now the choice of the couple, and especially their parents, as to what they want. Do they need the barakah or not? Do they wish to acquire the barakah or do they wish to destroy it?

Major Problem

Any sane Muslim will wholeheartedly agree that to acquire the barakah is extremely necessary. If there is barakah, there will be sukoon (tranquillity), happiness and contentment. The major problem, unfortunately, is the ego. Once the ego takes over, in order to make a name for oneself in high society, all the stops will be removed to give ones child a wedding that will be the “talk of the town”, but in the process one will destroy the barakah of one’s children’s marriage. What a great tragedy!

Consider the matter from another perspective: After the function of a few hours is over, the flowers will be dumped, the decor will be torn down, and after having gorged the food, many will be talking about the extravagance and wastage and hardly anyone will then even think of making du‘aa for the couple. Besides destroying the barakah, what else was really “achieved”?

Suffering Humanity

On the contrary, if the money wasted on decor and flowers alone (let alone the many clearly impermissible aspects) was spent instead on the suffering humanity, what a great deed it would be! Imagine how many starving bellies could have been filled with the most basic foods, how many homeless people could have been provided with a basic shelter, how many critically ill people could have been provided with medical care and how much could have been done for the upliftment of the Deen of people in general?

On the day of Judgement, we will be asked about how we spent our wealth. Wastage and money spent for name and fame will become a major problem for us on that day, Allah Ta‘ala forbid. The people we tried to impress will not come to our assistance when we are laid in our graves and nor will they help us one iota on the Day of Judgement.

Thus, this is a double destruction – destruction of the barakah of our children’s marriage in this world and the destruction of the Hereafter. More than anything else, our children deserve barakah in their lives and marriages. Let us aspire to give them what they deserve most — by making du‘aa for them but also adopting the prescription of Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) in their nikaah.

May Allah Ta‘ala bless us with the true understanding of Deen and enable us to do that which will please Him at all times. 

For a detailed discussion on this subject, download the booklet from the following link: http://uswatulmuslimah.co.za/books/Avoiding_Divine_Wrath.pdf

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