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Advice to Wives - Part 1

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1. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The woman who offers her five times salaah, fasts in the month of Ramadaan, protects her honour and obeys her husband, has the choice of entering Jannah from whichever door she wishes to enter from” (Ibnu Hibbaan #4163). 

2. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The woman who passes away in such a state that her husband is happy with her will enter Jannah” (Tirmizi #1161).

3. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) also said: “If I were to command any person to prostrate to anyone besides Allah Ta’ala, I would have commanded the woman to prostrate to her husband. If the husband orders the wife to carry the boulders of one mountain to the next and then to a third, she should do so” (Ibnu Maajah #1852).

 


 

Obedience:

  1. Obey your husband in all permissible matters. This will draw the mercy of Allah Ta’ala. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “After the Taqwa (fear) of Allah Ta’ala, there is no favour that a believer may enjoy better than a pious wife. If he instructs her she obeys him, if he looks towards her, she brings delight to him, if he takes an oath for her to do something she carries it out and if he is away from her (on a journey, etc.) she acts in good faith regarding her personal self and his wealth” (Ibnu Maajah #1857).
  2. Never regard your obedience and service to your husband in mundane acts as insignificant. In fulfilling his wishes, you are obeying the command of Allah Ta’ala who has made incumbent upon you total obedience to your husband (in permissible matters). Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said to a woman: “Your husband is either your Jannah or your Jahannum” (Muwatta Imaam Muhammamad #951).
  3. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “When a woman leaves home against the desire of her husband, then all the angels in the skies and everything she walks past besides man and jinn curse her for this act until she returns home” (Majma`uz Zawaaid #7669).
  4. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “When a husband calls his wife to bed (at night for sexual relations) and she refuses (without any valid shar'ee reason) because of which he spends the night angry, then the angels curse her till the morning” (Bukhaari #3237) 

General conduct:

  1. When your husband enters the home, always make salaam cheerfully and give him a warm affectionate smile, no matter how difficult your day may have been. Similarly, when he leaves the home in the morning, make a point of making salaam and kissing him. Salaam is a means of engendering great love and happiness in the home. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) advised Anas (radiyallahu anhu) thus: “Oh my son! When you enter your home, make salaam to your family, it will be a means of blessings for you and for them” (Tirmizi #2698). (NB: Any act of intimacy, no matter how small, must NEVER be done in the presence of children, even if they are not of a discerning age.)
  2. If you had a difficult or tiring day, try to appear cheerful. Do not tell him your difficulties as soon as he enters the home. This could cause him to become angry. Gradually try to win his compassion and sympathy.
  3. You should abstain from all things and every form of behavior that your husband disapproves of. Acquaint yourself with his moods and act accordingly to earn his pleasure.
  4. Do not increase his worries. Strive to become a source of comfort and peace for him.
  5. Endeavour to eat and drink from the same utensil. Sometimes place a morsel of food in each other's mouth (not only to be practiced when newly-wed). This will increase mutual love and one will be rewarded for this.
  6. Control your tongue at all times. One of the main reasons for the breakup of marriages is the misuse of the tongue. Thereafter you will regret for the rest of your life. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “He who keeps silent is saved” (Tirmizi #2501). Remember that wounds afflicted by swords may heal, but the wounds afflicted by the tongue very seldom heal.
  7. It is the wife's obligatory duty to beautify and adorn herself for her husband only. When leaving the house it is forbidden for her to adorn herself for all and sundry. A hadeeth states: “A woman who applies perfume and leaves the home is like an adulteress” (Tirmizi #2786).
  8. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “It is not permissible for a woman to keep an (optional) fast without her husband's permission” (Bukhari #5192).
  9. Respect and honour your husband's parents as your own. Address them politely and treat them kindly as you would treat your own parents. For the sake of your own happiness and for the sake of your husband, it is essential to maintain a good relationship with your in-laws.
  10. Regard his family as yours. Never insult his family nor use past events or his background to hurt him. You can never acquire the love of your husband if you attempt to disrupt his relationship with his mother, father, brothers, sisters and other relatives. Disruption of family ties is amongst the worst of the major sins and invites the wrath of Allah Ta’ala.
  11. If your husband is troubled with worries or is depressed, then be sympathetic and encourage him to discuss the problem with you. Make du' aa for him. Be an anchor of support and a pillar of strength for him, by practically expressing your moral support. This will lnsha-Allah make him truly appreciate your heartfelt concern for him.
  12. Show him your trust and do not pry into his affairs. Do not ask too many questions. Safeguard his assets; he will have great trust in you.
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