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Advice to Husbands - Part 2

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images_3Spending and Giving Gifts:

  1. Support your family and spend generously on them according to your means. Regard this as an Islamic responsibility and not as a favour upon them, nor as a burden on yourself.
  2. Spending on bare necessities is not sufficient to engender true love and a happy home. However, be moderate in your expenditure as there should be neither extravagance nor miserliness.
  3. Shower your wife with gifts (within your means). Never remind her of the favours that you confer upon her.
  4. Provide her with her own monthly allowance (according to your means) over and above your household expenses. This money will then belong to her, thereby allowing her freedom of choice to purchase items for her personal needs, without having to account for how it was spent.
  5. It is your Islamic obligation to be the breadwinner of the family. Never shirk in your responsibility and unduly burden your wife with the onerous task of supporting your family. This unnecessary strain on her will be a cause of great sorrow. You will be answerable to Allah Ta`ala for neglecting your fundamental duty to your family. 

Encouraging and Complimenting:

  1. Compliment your wife on her dressing. If you do not approve of any aspect of her dressing, then instead of rebuking her, rather explain to her in a gentle and loving manner your likes and dislikes. Just as you would like to see her smartly dressed, you too should dress smartly for her (all within the confines of the sharee’ah).
  2. Compliment your wife's cooking after meals. Overlook the little shortcomings, e.g. if the salt is less or if the food is not prepared on time.
  3. If your wife is troubled with worries or is depressed, then be sympathetic and encourage her to discuss the problem with you. Make du'aa for her. Be an anchor of support and a pillar of strength for her by practically expressing your moral support. This will Insha-Allah make her truly appreciate your heartfelt concern for her.

Forgiving and Overlooking:

  1. Learn to tolerate slight misbehaviour, or little displeasing acts committed by your wife.
  2. Endeavour to change her habits like carelessness, laziness, etc. with advice and admonition. This must be given tactfully, with wisdom and patience. RULE WITH LOVE AND NEVER WITH THE IRON FIST. It is among her rights upon you that you tolerate her. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said: “A woman is created from a crooked rib (therefore there is crookedness in her character). If you try to straighten her, you will break her. Hence, take benefit from her despite her crookedness” (Muslim #3634).
  3. Learn to forgive your wife. Forgive her as many times as you would like Allah Ta’ala to forgive you for your errors. Remember the proverb "To err is human, to forgive is Divine."
  4. If you dislike some qualities in her, she will possess other qualities that will please you. Focus on her positive qualities. No one is perfect. Remember that the grass always seems greener on the other side.
  5. When you are overcome by anger and wish to physically or verbally abuse her, then remember that Allah Ta’ala, whose trust she is, possesses greater power than you do. Immediately move away from that place, drink water, and recite a’oozu billahi minash shaitaanir rajeem. If possible, make wudhu. Remember that after the expression of every bout of anger, there is regret.

 

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