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Advice to Husbands - Part 3

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Dont’s:

  1. DONTDo not disclose your wife's secrets or faults to any family members or friends. Always conceal one another's faults. Even worse is to speak about one's intimate matters to others. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “One of the worst people in the sight of Allah Ta’ala on the day of Qiyaamah is a man who was intimate with his wife and thereafter he publicizes it” (Muslim #3542).
  2. Never compare nor mention the beauty, character, or qualities of other women to your wife. This is extremely insensitive and may cause jealousy, suspicion, and unnecessary doubts in her mind. Accept your wife for what she is and do not cast lustful glances at other women. By doing so, you will lose the love of your wife. When a woman emerges from her home, shaytaan beautifies her in the eyes of men. By controlling one's gazes, one's love for one’s wife will increase and one will attain the sweetness of imaan.
  3. Do not keep in touch or communicate with any female acquaintances from the past, even if they are 'just good friends'. This is forbidden and extremely detrimental to the marriage.
  4. Never allow your wife to mix with strange men. This will severely harm your marriage. The hadith says that Allah Ta’ala has made Jannah haraam on a man who allows his wife to talk and freely mix with other men (Ahmad #5372). You too should abstain from talking unnecessarily to strange women. NB: Strange (ghayr-mahram) in the sharee’ah refers to all people with whom marriage is permissible in Islam. Included among them are cousins, brothers-in-laws, sisters-in-laws, parent's brother’s and sister’s spouses, father and mother-in-law's brothers and sisters, etc. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The male relatives of the husband are death (in other words, just as one fears death, one should fear fitnah, mischief, and corruption from his male relatives with regard to his wife)” (Bukhari #5232). There are many cases where an illicit relationship was established in family circles. The consequences of not upholding the laws of hijaab, especially between a woman and her husband’s male relatives, are disastrous. Never trust the carnal-self.
  5. Never use the word 'talaaq' or 'divorce', either in jest or in anger. Don’t threaten her with divorce. If the marriage totally breaks down, seek the advice of a learned and experienced ‘Aalim before resorting to divorce.
  6. Never demand back any gift given to your wife, even if the marriage ends in divorce. It is totally forbidden to repossess gifts given at the time of marriage or at any other time.
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