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Advice for Wives (part 4)

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images_4Dealing with problems:

  1. Learn to forgive your husband. Remember the English adage 'To err is human, to forgive is Divine.'
  2. Misunderstandings and minor differences should not be suppressed. Rather discuss them in an amicable manner, or else this could ultimately lead to a broken marriage (Allah Ta’ala save us.)
  3. Learn to communicate constructively. Make a resolution that at the time of a problem you would sit down and discuss your problems in a dignified manner, without raising voices or being abusive; or you will seek advice from someone you both can confide in.
  4. You cannot choose not to communicate. Even your silence and body language can send important messages and they may be misinterpreted and could cause more harm.
  5. If you are overcome by anger, then immediately move away from that place, drink water and recite a’oozu billahi minash shaitaanir rajeem. If possible, make wudhu. Never discuss a problem in the state of anger. Calm down first.
  6. Don't ever argue in public or in front of the children. This can affect the children psychologically and could prove detrimental to the marriage.
  7. In a serious conflict, call in arbitrators from both sides and let the matter be resolved amicably.
  8. Learn to admit your mistakes as this is a sign of humility. Do not attempt to justify your mistakes with lame excuses.
  9. Exercise patience. Never make hasty decisions which you will regret later. "Allah Ta’ala is with those who exercise patience" (Al-Baqarah v153).
  10. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The woman who asks her husband for a divorce (without a valid reason), the fragrance of Jannah becomes unlawful for her” (Ahmad #22379).
  11. A marriage, no matter how rosy it seems at the outset, will sometimes be faced with problems and difficulties, like weeds in an unattended garden. If we nip them in the bud (i.e. discuss and resolve them) when they surface, then we can foster a happy married relationship and make the bond of love stronger. However, if we ignore these initial stumbling blocks and pretend that they do not exist, then they may increase and Allah Ta’ala forbid become so deep-rooted that attempts to remedy them later on may fail. Even if they are resolved, they could still taint the love and affection of the couple for many years to come, and make life very unpleasant.

May Allah Ta’ala fill our marriages with strong imaan, everlasting good health, contentment, joy, happiness, prosperity and pious children. May Allah Ta’ala instill love and mercy within our hearts for one another. May He grant both spouses the ability to fulfill His commands, discharge each other's rights and emulate the beautiful example of Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam), Ameen.

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