Summary of Letter:
السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته
… I am in a terrible state. It seems as if some darkness has engulfed my heart. Daily I recite the kalimah 100 times in the morning and evening but yet I find no effect upon me. I am punctual with my salaah, but it is without life and soul. I think I am the worst of all people. As a result I feel absolutely despondent…Please make dua for me that I should be granted death on Imaan. …
Summary of Reply:
لسلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته
…Do not ever become despondent due to your present circumstances. …It is the grace of Allah Ta’ala that he has opened up the reality in front of you. You have not been left in the misconception that afflicts many people that they regard themselves as great and as being people of high status whereas in reality they are nothing. May Allah Ta’ala save us from this malady.
Remember this well that a person will only gain salvation due to the mercy of Allah Ta’ala. No person will gain salvation on the basis of his actions. Sometimes a person does numerous good deeds, but then suddenly pride develops within him. Due to his numerous good deeds he regards himself as worthy of Jannah. However, due to the evil of his pride he becomes deprived of all the good actions and eventually becomes worthy of punishment. Allah Ta’ala has saved you from this serious malady. For that you should be grateful to Him. Sometimes a person who has spent 70 years of his life upon kufr,. is finally granted Imaan and thus he goes to Jannah. It also happens that a person spends 70 years of his life on Imaan but then due to pride he is deprived of this great wealth and ends up in Jahannam. Hence no person can ever be proud of his actions and rely upon them while becoming totally unconcerned about the punishment of Allah Ta’ala. To the extent that one regards himself as lowly and worthless, to that extent will one become worthy of the forgiveness and mercy of Allah Ta’ala.
Ponder in solitude over this that Allah Ta’ala has created you as a human being, not as some snake or scorpion, etc. He has saved you from kufr and shirk. He grants you the ability to take His name daily. He permits you to stand in His presence and perform salaah. Insha-Allah He will protect you in the Hereafter as well. t is incorrect to despair of His mercy.. May Allah Ta’ala help you.
(Maktoobaat, vol.1: pg.80)