Home Mufti Ebrahim Salejee Majlis Audio Downloads Being Graceful and Enduring in One’s Approach to Situations

Being Graceful and Enduring in One’s Approach to Situations


(Highlights of Mufti Ebrahim Salejee’s majlis - Saturday 5th September)

1. Hazrat Munzir bin Qays (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) came to Madeenah Munawwarah with a delegation from his tribe. As they reached, the rest of the delegation went ahead to meet Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) while Munzir remained behind. In their absence he took care of their animals and luggage. When they returned, he took a bath and put on clean clothes and gracefully and gradually came to meet Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) was pleased with him and explained that he has two good qualities, hilm – endurance, and the other inaa‘ah – to do things gracefully and gradually.

Overall, when we have endurance and a good level of understanding then the work that we undertake does not go wrong. Everybody will be pleased with the results. However, if we are in a rush and hurry to do it then we will spoil things. Allah Ta‘ala loves that we do things gradually and with understanding and endurance.

2. A pious person had a mureed who asked him to teach him the ism-e-a’zam – that name of Allah Ta‘ala which when read before any du‘aa, the du‘aa is accepted. The shaikh told him that you do not have the endurance for it. Eventually after much persistence, the shaikh asked him to go to a certain street and report back what he sees. When he reached there he found a weak old person carrying a large bundle of firewood that he had collected and a policeman was forcefully and brutally commanding him to take it to his house instead. The mureed in his mind felt that had I only known the ism-e-a’zam I would curse this policeman. When he reported back to the shaikh what he witnessed and what he felt to himself, the shaikh replied that this is why I said that you do not have the required level of endurance. Otherwise, you would have cursed every person that inconveniences you.

3. Allah Ta‘ala does not deal with us in such a manner. He deals with us gradually. Had He dealt with us straightaway, we would not be here now. If He had to call us to account immediately for our deeds then not a single creature will be spared. It is His plan that we do things with thought and reflection. In fact, when we look at the Quraan Shareef then it is filled with this lesson, but it is just those who are intelligent who will reflect.

4. We may be reading the Quraan Shareef, but without examining and looking at the circumstances of the incidents mentioned in the Quraan Shareef and why it happened. In all these changes that take place around us it is as though a voice is calling out: “fafham fafham” – take a lesson, take a lesson. It is for you to understand that there is some wisdom of Allah Ta‘ala behind this. Did you ever take out time to reflect over what was the reason for them being annihilated. We read the incidents of Fir‘oun and the people of Loot (‘alaihis salaam) etc. but we just carry on. Allah Ta‘ala invites us to reflect and think about it.

5. Allah Ta‘ala speaks of the different phases that man goes through in his creation. In all these stages he is totally helpless and defenceless. A person comes into this world as an absolute liability, but on the parents’ side they have been instilled with love. The child only has two things. One is to cry dearly; any problem it experiences it cries. However, there is no force on earth that could have taught the child how to cry and why it should cry. The second lesson that is taught to the child is how to search for milk and how to drink and suckle. Look at the qudrat and power of Allah Ta‘ala. The child comes into this world with no teeth. You can well imagine the difficulty the mother would have had to undergo if the child had teeth. Another sign of the qudrat of Allah Ta‘ala is that the child without teeth looks so beautiful, but how does a grownup person look without teeth. Think and reflect over the artistry of Allah Ta‘ala. A little baby girl, if you take off her hair she still looks beautiful, but shave off the hair of an elderly woman and then see how ugly she looks. The teeth and fingernails are made up of similar substances, but one continues growing and the other stops. Imagine if our teeth had to also continue growing. We would have to be visiting the dentist every two weeks to have our teeth filed. Allah Ta‘ala has created us from a state of total weakness. It is as though we were embodiments of weakness, without any strength to do anything. However, man’s failure is that he does not reflect over his past, that this was his condition in the past.

6. Man has been created of swiftness and haste. When you see money, you want it fast and straightaway. Hence, it will come fast and also go fast. You will get it unscrupulously and then spend it in the same manner. Look at the people of the past; they worked hard and earned from the sweat of their brow. As a result, the money was clean and a lot of good came out, good in their children and their marriages. On the other hand, we now have so much, but we don’t see the production like the past because we want everything fast and therefore we are not getting it in a clean manner.

7. In the creation of man, after a period of weakness Allah Ta‘ala brings about strength and might. Everything is progressing and increasing, physically and intellectually. At 35 you are reaching your peak and after 40 you begin to decline, but man does not look at his beginning and end. We will make excuses of sickness etc. for this decline, but it is a reality that we all have to face. At the time of the height of his power, man forgets Allah Ta‘ala, little realising that this period is very short before his decline. So Allah Ta‘ala is inviting our intellect to reflect. The qudrat of Allah Ta‘ala is spelt out again and again. We got the information but let us now analyse. The buzurgaan-e-deen say that when a person thinks then nine out of ten he does not make mistakes. Even in business, you need to apply your reasoning and understanding. You also need alertness and endurance. Allah Ta‘ala also wants you to be alert and enduring.

8. Allah Ta‘ala speaks of His system of the creation of man and then says: “Then behold, in a few moments you are humans spread far and wide.” Look at your original self and also the chip that Allah Ta‘ala has placed within us. We say that we are the children of Aadam (‘alaihis salaam), and another group says that they are the children of apes and monkeys. But with all due respect, if in a huge gathering someone has to call such a person to the stage by saying: “So and so, the son of a monkey or ape,” will he ever be happy and pleased?

9. Allah Ta‘ala then says that He has created a spouse and a wife for man so that he will gain tranquillity. However, to get the desired results of anything you will have to follow the required system. If a student did not study and then failed, he cannot complain about not passing, for he did not follow the correct procedure. Someone is driving at 200 km per hour and then decides to take a 180 degree turn, he will definitely die. If he followed proper procedures then he would not die. Similarly, a wife has to be used and treated correctly to bring the tranquillity and peace. But if you complain that she doesn’t bring the peace then you have not followed the procedure. Therefore, you need to basically know two things to get the right results. One is to understand the potential and secondly the capacity. If you know both then you will know how to use it. If you don’t know them then you will destroy it. If you buy a car but you do not know the potential and capacity of the car you will damage it. If you want the car to move from 0 to 200 in 5 seconds you will blow the engine. When you look at the potential and capacity of a woman, then she is weaker than a man in strength and emotions. The proof is that if they were equal then you should be having a cricket match with men playing against women or a boxing match, but it does not happen such. Therefore, to say things like that there is gender equality in everything is wrong. Allah Ta‘ala has created everyone differently. When Allah Ta‘ala has created her weaker, then it is not for man to oppress and exploit, but in order that he takes care of her. “Arrijaalu qawwaamoon” – Thus, when man is stronger, he has to take care of the woman who is weaker. If man does not understand this and treats her as his equal then this creates problems. Therefore, to enjoy tranquillity you will need to understand that she is weaker. And when she is made like this then what is she required to do. She is better suited for domestic affairs and this is what she is cut out for. If you place her there, you will see intelligent children and geniuses being born, for she will take pride in that child and give additional attention and direction to the child.

10. When you will allow her to be in her place then she will feel very much fulfilled. A female professor at her farewell party explained to her students and juniors that she felt herself to be a failure. Why? Because she never mothered a child. Therefore, keep her in her place and she will fulfil her role and feel that she has accomplished her duty. But now when we ask her to go out into the world then we are asking for problems. If a woman goes out to earn then she will leave her child with someone else whom she will pay. Hence, the child is deprived of her motherly love and warmth, for the carer will see to the child for the sake of money and not with the love of a mother. Hence, the child is then deprived of her love and personal attention. On the religious and deeni side as well, if you did not understand her capacity and potential then it will cause problems. If she has deen in her then with your little earnings she will be happy, otherwise she will ask you for more and cause you more depression and worries. If she has deen then she will show that love and affection and the home will be filled with peace.

11. In the same aayat, Allah Ta‘ala then says that He has created love and mercy between the hearts of the spouses. Initially, in the beginning of the marriage it is excitement and a novelty especially for a person who never experimented with haraam before marriage. Thereafter, when she loses her shape etc. after a few children Allah Ta‘ala replaces that excitement with kindness and mercy, and you begin to think that she was so kind to be the mother of my children etc.

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