Sayyiduna Salmaan Faarisi (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) married a woman from Kindah and spent the first night of his marriage at his in-law’s home. On that night, he walked towards their home, accompanied by some of his friends. On reaching the home, he turned to them and said, “Return (to your homes) – may Allah Ta‘ala reward you!” Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) did not allow them to enter the home (and meet his wife) as is done by foolish people.
When Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) looked at the home and observed that it was decorated with drapes, he remarked, “Does your home have a fever, or has the Ka‘bah moved to Kindah?” They replied, “Neither does our home have a fever, nor has the Ka‘bah moved to Kindah (rather, we have done this to decorate the home).” Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) refused to enter the home, until every drape was removed – except for the drape covering the doorway (as this drape fulfilled the function of purdah).
Thereafter, on entering the home, he saw abundant items and goods. He thus asked, “To whom do all these items and goods belong?” His wife’s family answered, “They belong to you and your wife.” Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) replied, “This is not what my beloved friend (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) advised me. My beloved friend (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) advised me that my possessions of the world should be exactly like the provisions of a traveller (i.e. they should not be abundant and in excess).”
Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) then saw attendants and thus enquired, “Whose attendants are these?” His wife’s family responded, “They are your attendants and the attendants of your wife.” Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) again replied, “This is not what my beloved friend (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) advised me. My beloved friend (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) advised me that I should not keep any slave girls, unless I will marry them or I will get them married. If I keep them without doing this, and they thereafter commit zina, then I will also bear responsibility for their sin, without their sin being decreased in any way.”
Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) then addressed the women seated by his wife and said, “Will you please go, and leave my wife and I in privacy?” The women agreed and left, after which Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) went to the door of the room and closed it, lowering the curtain as well. He then sat by his wife and passed his hand over her forelock, making du‘aa for barakah (blessings). He then asked her, “Will you do something that I wish to ask of you?” His wife respectfully answered, “You are in the position of one who must be obeyed (as you are my husband).” Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) thus said, “My beloved friend (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) advised me that when I am united with my wife, then we should unite on the obedience of Allah Ta‘ala.” Saying this, they both stood and performed a few rakaats of nafl salaah. Thereafter, they spent the night together.
The following morning, his companions came to him and enquired, “How did you find your wife?” However, Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) ignored them. They then repeated the question, but he again ignored them, until finally, when they asked him for the third time, he said, “Allah Ta‘ala has created curtains, inner rooms and doors so that you can maintain the privacy and secrecy of what occurs inside. It is sufficient for you to enquire regarding that which is public. As for that which is private, do not ask about it. I heard Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) mentioning that those who discuss this (i.e. bedroom activities) are like two donkeys, openly mating on the roadside.”
(Hilyatul Auliyaa vol. 1, pg. 256)
Lessons:
1. Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) understood that a life devoid of the sunnah of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) will be a life devoid of any happiness and barakah. Hence, he ensured that he did not compromise, in any way, on the sunnah.
2. When he corrected his in-laws on multiple issues, they did not take offence, or become angry. Rather, they accepted his correction, as they were people of imaan and sincerity.
3. Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) ensured that his very first action, with his bride, was that of salaah. This was setting the theme for the remainder of the marriage, as the spouses are, in reality, partners in the effort to earn Jannnah. When one falls, the other will pick him/her up, and when one falters, the other will be there to encourage and motivate him/her.
4. Bedroom affairs and other private details of the spouse should never be discussed with any person. Hence, Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) did not discuss these details with even his friends, but rather corrected them when they enquired. (Read more on this here)
5. Sayyiduna Salmaan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) did not allow his friends to come into contact with his wife, but rather maintained complete purdah, sending them away from her home. Not maintaining purdah from the spouse’s friends is a recipe for disaster.
6. At present, due to the strict regulations and limits on social gatherings, many people feel that it is not the right time to get married, as they will not be able to hold a large wedding. However, we should realize that this is the perfect time to get married – as the regulations will make it even easier to have a simple wedding, according to the sunnah. Hence, if the suitable match is found, the nikaah should not be delayed.
